I’ve always wrestled with the paradox of feeling utterly normal and not quite fitting in. A feeling that has travelled with me in its various forms up to this, my fortieth year.
There isn’t much need to detail all aspects of my life with you, but if you have carried that feeling of somehow being a square in a round hole, then you will absolutely understand. After all, nothing too unusual about a square. It’s a regular shape. It just won’t feel like all the circles.
This metaphor could be widened and deepened, but again, no need. Because what I’m writing about and sharing is the wondrous glory of being a Solitary. I first heard of this term from a witch friend of mine when we were chatting about groups and learning, and work, and courses, and sense of self. And the term rang deep.
I’m a pretty sociable person. I also love and need my own company. I love to share ideas, discuss all sorts, I love to be stimulated, to study, to explore. I…don’t like fitting into templates. I don’t feel right following set exercises, I don’t want to dance in circles with fellow women. Unless it’s a sociable get together! I just don’t work in that way. I hear the call of my centre and my own guidance.
Being a Solitary, you follow your Own Way. There is nothing unsociable about working solo, about finding your own connections. You govern your own individual template, and that is liberating, powerful, and creative.
And this is the key thing that comes to me over and over: template. Create your own template. Live your own template.
If you are a Solitary, this will resonate. You are meant to do your work solo. You are not needing to seek out templates, but live your own, create your own, find your own. Not necessarily in that order.
I have found that when I embraced this, when I truly recognised this and REALised it, my path became even clearer.
And the really magical thing? All the other templates out there that I spent time agonising over? They Just. Don’t. Matter.
They are not for me, they are not mine, I am a Solitary, I Am Free!
This morning I was discussing with my husband about Work. The Great Work. The work of Life and Self, the work of traversing realms, and a particular aspect that I have had to work with since I was 15.
I work with all kinds of energetics, all aspects of sensitivity, but this one particular thing I wanted to share today. Sensitivity was never something I sought or asked for. Sensitivity was always ‘normal’ to me, and also felt something of a burden. There were/are ‘downsides’ to this hypersensitivity, and I was far from thrilled when at 15 I was visited by a barrage of figures, one after another, all crowding in and looming large.
These figures were people (ARE people. I still see them.). But at that young age, also going through a particularly difficult patch of night terrors, panic attacks, and depression, I didn’t have the experience I do now, to understand more about them.
These figures came to me clairvoyantly, and were/are figures of need, of horror, of sadness. They vary in energy, but all have one thing in common. They come wanting something of me. At the time I was younger, they received some fear and confusion. Now, of course, they receive nothing. Or at the least – very little!
The reason I wanted to share this with you, is to share also the experience of personal power.
When these night visitations occurred in my teenage years, I had the experience of seeing a psychiatrist. I can’t quite remember who referred me – I was very ill, and that detail is irrelevant – but I remember seeing him twice or so. He didn’t help me. He couldn’t. In fact, he could barely stay awake!
But what I do vividly remember, is my utter lack of self confidence, my hideous brain fog with depression, and his complete lack of belief. I KNEW what I saw, and I KNEW I was awake. His working model refused to allow him to believe this.
I must have been asleep.
I only thought I was awake.
I was in the state of consciousness between sleeping and waking.
He refused to listen to me. He didn’t help me. I feel no anger towards this, but I do have strong feelings about this. People are helped by being listened to. Now, I am not claiming any medical or psychiatric expertise, what I am claiming is my experience, which I know to be truth. And sharing my truth may help someone else.
I also know from experience, that trying to resist Sight and multi-dimensional awareness, is a blocker. In so many ways. It’s not a healthy way of being, because it is a denial of being.
Through the work of self and truth, discernment, personal centre and connection, we flow.
Fast forward twenty five years, and I still have these unbecoming faces visiting me. Not always. They come in a glut. But some years ago I had the glorious moment of watching one disperse from its physical form into a disappearing trail.
Yes. I did that.
I observe them, and I hold my ground. They cannot take from me what is not theirs to be taken.
These entities want to attach, to feed, to take, to scare. They are not bad, they just are what they are. As I am what I am. And the way to address these entities is not through denial, not through the use of some finite framework.
It is through the acceptance of the infinite power of I Am.
It is my privilege to share aspects of my journey, my rich and deep journey, and I am so grateful for my loved ones along the way.
All shared in Pure Heart <3